I wrote the following 'stream of consciousness' back in September: A month has past,Three weeks at home,Walking streets & roadsI know,Seeing those that know me.Eating out, drinking a little,Making dinner.Ordinary days,Amazing events.Seeing new born loveliness,Seeing those that arecreative beauty in motion.Hearing new sounds,News, gossip & jokes.Hearing those laughs,Seeing the sea.Smelling that damp salty air,Rain on my skin.Wearing heels and dresses,Being alive and drinking tea.Spending time with my relatives,Making statements,Understanding incidents.Wanting information- Glossy and new.On-line, in papers, magazines,Soak it all up.Wandering 'Chapters'Going to Leargas:The walls have not changed their width.Friendly faces.The gorgeous cafe with Tom.Coffee & books,Dates & my diary -my travel companion.Days in my pajamas,The smell of woodchipsand new paint.The home 'under construction'.Harry's cafe for Brunch,Wallow in the tea, minty.The maple syrup soakedfriendship in that corner.The smiles on people's lips.My owner inner smile.Dun Laoghaire - For many glorious reasonsI don't tire of you.You are part of my make-up.Dislike,of you as a wholeWould tear myself in two.Those shops, old & new,Wander, wander.Those three weeks wereMy own time.My bed - rest.The road - no noise.The radio - so many new songs.I have a feelingThat I may never knowAll I want to.But if I risk more,Be less afraid,I could do a little more?Perhaps oportunity would knockmore often?Stretch myselfI'm too self contained.I feel that urge toBreak my own mould.
The Inspiration List:
To dance, dance, dance!
Sing,
Paint,
Knit,
Swim,
Draw,
Write poems,
Read plays,
Write a play,
See an all german language play,
Attend more work related events,
Travel more,
Meet more people,
Enjoy each day,
Wrtie this blog regularly,
Find stylish clothes,
Cook more,
Bake more,
Learn to drive,
Own a moped,
Plant herbs & flowers,
Wear fresh flowers,
Own a wee shop
full of books & trinkets,
That would sell cupcakes & iced tea!
Live with friends,
Take walks on a beach
Or in a forrest every weekend.
- Making Time -
Having a person in my life,
to love & love me back,
To take care of each others souls.
Having a bunch of beautiful children :)
Living in Kerry for some time,
Owning a car,
Visiting Christianaia,
Visisting my far flung friends,
Going on sunny walks,
Staying up till dawn
to watch the sun in silence
And then sleep in it's shade.
Going to Cuba with my elder sister.
Road trips with both of my siblings,
Supporting my parents.
Trying to be better,
More calm,
Collected & less stressed.
Trying to care less about poisionous people.
Having a 'Mucha' inspired dress.
Living in Paris for some time.
Watching films that changed the era they
were filmed in!
Being happy with my health & body.
Accepting change - all types.
Writing more letters.
Having a get up & go attitude every day!
Keeping my morals at all times.
Having a good breakfast each day.
- There is no one to impress, that is a fools game -
Being myself & making people comfortable
and smile.
Being honest - always.
Being money wise.
Saving for something really beautiful...
Being open to the world.
Looking after my hair & skin.
- If in doubt, go with your instinct -
Looking at the sky & stars,
they tell us much more
than we'd like to admit!
Be wise and share wisdom with the inexperienced.
Try to be less judgemental of
People, status & situations.
Keep my brain active.
- Optimism is a virtue as is patience, have bucket loads of both for everyone! -
Love the small silly things,
Laugh till I cry & can't breathe.
Rest when I can,
but be pro-active.
Be thankful for all my blessings.
Love myself & know that
it will be wonderful.
- Trying everything is the key -
Try to do all of the above!!!
(I can cross off some already - yay!)
Sometimes the full story is only revealed after a lengthy prologue...
...here's the exciting news:
I have come to the conclusion that I will leave Salzburg in December & not return for the remainder of my project into Feb 2009. I have been struggling with making the choice for a long time but I am ready to leave Austria and head home. My work has not been what I expected and with the many bizzare issues & difficulties I have faced in the past 10 months I feel relieved that I can now stop struggling with my life here. I have talked with close friends like Pipi & DaGang in the past few days and they also agree with my decision as do my family.
I feel that a weight has been lifted...I now just need to get the wheels in motion to complete paper work & the nitty gritty details but everything should be fine.
Ok, so I have yet to inform my work about the choice but that will all come together soon. I have been appliying for jobs at home & I have my fingers crossed for one in particular.
It is very exciting as I now have about 5 weeks to go before I leave - only a few people in my haus know so things will be very quick. I think that is better as I don't want a fuss or a long drawn out farewell hullabaloo. I will return home to Dublin in less than 2 weeks for my Mum's Graduation & take as much stuff as I can with me then - really looking forward to my 3 days at home.
I feel happy and I know that it is the right decison even if it is hard one.
Soon I will be back to this :)
Music of the Moment : Snow Patrol - Crack the Shutters.Have a wonderful week!A*